My Holiday Gift to You: A Gimme

Sorry, I couldn't find any obscure photos of bands decked out in Santa hats or pretending to be Christmas elves. So instead I've posted this beauty just 'cause it makes me chuckle. And it has absolutely no holiday connection at all.

But look at the expressions on the dudes on the right and left sides: they are priceless. Guy on the right looks like he's holding in a bonghit (or maybe just trying to suck in his gut for the camera), while the guy on the left looks like he's just exhaled his (or drank a dozen cold ones...he looks wrecked!).

And that poster in the back--a classic from a truly different era--is the best, though it's probably a dead giveaway as to this band's identity. So, chime in if you're actually paying attention to this blog instead of arguing with your family or screaming at your kids to, once and for all, stop playing with the goddamn ornaments on the tree. Ah, I love the holidays. Really do.

Check back for more fun in 2009.

AT

Update: Our holiday ended up getting cut short due to the atrocious weather in the NW (yeah, yeah, I know we're a bunch of wimps, but we don't usually get 2 straight weeks of snow and thus are lacking in basic snow-removal equipment like plows, etc.) so I'm back a little early to confirm that "Brocas Crelm" correctly identified this band as At War--as if you all didn't know. They have reformed recently and you can check out a new demo by looking at Ian's post in the comments section.

Is That Chainmail...or a Sweater?

Seems like a reasonable question to ask, right? I mean these guys don't exactly seem the Armored Saint types, so maybe the second guy from the right thought that he'd just wear a nice cozy sweater to the photo shoot. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

This is kind of a motley crew image wise, though the photo was certainly professionally shot (unlike some abominations I've posted here). It definitely has a distinctly '70s feel, but I can definitively say that this was taken in the mid '80s.

I have a feeling that certain people who are regulars here will recognize this band immediately as they, uh, achieved some amount of success. I don't think they lasted beyond when this photo was taken, though. May have been their last hurrah. Or at least certain members' last hurrah...

Update: Another quick (and correct) guess by Keir. Actually, he didn't really guess; he knew for sure that this is the German band Bullet. I didn't realize that this was taken for their first album, so, yes, they did have one more hurrah before packing it in. Apparently a couple of the dudes, guitarist Jürgen Graf and bassist Fitty Wienhold, have done time in U.D.O. (Fitty is still part of the group, in fact), fitting since Bullet were occasionally called out for sounding like Accept. Unfortunately, both albums that Bullet released in the early '80s, though reissued by High Vaultage in the late '90s, are out of print.

They're Called Legwarmers for a Reason, Dude

Love the posing going on here. Dude on the left looks like he's about to give someone a Fistful of Metal. And cut the guy on the right's hair all tidy, take off his eye makeup and put him in some khakis and a sweater and he's ready for a J. Crew catalog.

Why he's wearing a legwarmer on his arm, however, is truly a mystery for the ages. His whole outfit seems like it was assembled by a crow that just scavenged together a bunch of shiny bits and colorful pieces of string. I'm not positive, but it looks like the tough guy on the left might have a door knocker under his chin. And I have no idea what exactly is cascading off the ear of the guy standing next to him.

Now, some of you may recognize members of this band and be a little baffled by others. I would venture to say that you may well never see this photo anywhere else again. It is a true rarity for a number of reasons that I'll reveal only when someone can correctly guess what band this is.

Update: Once again, this took no time for Nightlock to figure out. It's the Wild Dogs circa 1985, I believe. It was after Man's Best Friend and before Reign of Terror. They had kicked "Fat" Matt McCourt out because management just thought he didn't have that "commercial appeal" they needed to get a major label deal (if anyone out there ever saw them live, you'd understand...the dude had a great voice, but he was a loose cannon on stage). Anyway, they brought in this young guy with a shriek that'd peel paint named John Tejeda (far right, and below). They played a bunch of shows around the NW with him (and also apparently did a photo shoot) and just as they were about to embark on a tour opening for Yngwie and Talas, Tejeda goes AWOL and they quickly grab McCourt to cover for him on the tour. That was the end of the Tejeda era in the Wild Dogs. He later went on to front a Eugene, OR, band called Mysstress that put out an EP that's become somewhat of a collector's item. McCourt was again kicked to the curb after the Yngwie tour and Michael Furlong was brought in to sing on Reign of Terror, the final official Wild Dogs album.

Before There Was Testing For Steroids in Metal...

...there was this glorious trio of well-oiled, meaty manhood. Look, I'm not implying that these guys were on the juice, but compare them to your average metal musician, who generally never lifted anything heavier than an amplifier, and they just seem to be a little "pumped up."

How all these muscles on muscles might have affected their playing ability is up for debate. I had a demo, but my recollection of it is not good. I was, however, sufficiently amused by the promo photos they sent to hold onto them, and they still make me chuckle (I have another I've posted below).

My guess is that they ended up in the WWF or porno or something, as the opportunities available for a trio of mediocre, He-Man-looking metalheads are pretty minimal in the music biz (with apologies to Kane Roberts).

Update: Less than 24 hours later, Keir has correctly identified this beefy trio as Mesomorph, from NY. As you may have surmised, two of the dudes were brothers, and one of them (vocalist/bassist Steve Steele) actually went on to join Kane Roberts' band (where else could he go after Mesomorph?). The band issued a couple of demos in the mid '80s and contributed to the Iron Tyrants compilation (see below), but I'm pretty sure that was it.



Update 1/6/09: As promised, here's another Mesomorph photo, just for giggles.