Test Your Metal

The Five-Perm Discount

2011-09-07T15:01:00.000-07:00

A generous benefactor sent us this one, and we unfortunately have since lost all the details regarding it, so we are as clueless as you are (or maybe aren't). Just like the good ol' days when I started this blog.

But we couldn't say no to this beauty. As far as '80s metal bands go, these dudes are pretty well put together. They've got the leather, the denim, the bullet belts and, good lord, hair that goes for days. And it's all lovingly tousled, teased and, no doubt, lacquered with Aqua-Net.

We may be conjecturing when we suggest that there was some perming (is that a word?) involved as well, but we can't help but think some of those coiffs are a little, uh, manufactured. But a man's gotta do, what a man's gotta do if he wants to vaguely look like a lady. We just wonder if indeed they all did get perms, if they got a five-for-one low price deal.

Anyway, please tell me who this band is.

REPOST: Longhairs With Bangs [Identified!]

2011-07-15T17:47:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: Finally someone stepped up and nailed this one! Congrats to Avenger from one of my own personal favorite old-school metal resources, The Corroseum. This is, in fact, Wasted Morality from Santa Rosa, California, a thrash band that did precious little (other than a demo) while they were around in the late '80s and that's pretty much the end of the story. Only two posts remain unsolved.

Do these coiffs automatically qualify as mullets due to the bangs (fringe, I guess, in the UK) trimmed up to keep the hair out of their eyes? This was a very standard metal 'do in the Eighties, popularized most famously by Bruce Dickinson. Not a traditional mullet, which is short on the sides, as well, this is something of a hybrid.

These guys definitely look of an era and I'd imagine that their country of origin should at least be pretty easy. Since this is the only promo photo I've ever seen of the band, my guess is that someone else who's a regular here will recognize them at first glance.

Though I'm not entirely sure, I don't think that the dude in the lower right is wearing his own band shirt, so don't bother looking there for clues. Gotta love the flannel, though.

Demolish Fanzine Throws Us a Bone

2011-04-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: Our pal Ian Christe checked in and immediately spotted these guys as Quick Change from the Chicago area. They aren't, perhaps, as obscure as they may seem, as the band did put out a full-length in 1988 on Roadrunner Europe (reissued by Metal Mind in 2007) and have issued a couple self-released CDs in the '00s. OK, yeah, they're pretty obscure. Ian also had this to add: "I recognized the junked-out car... these guys had their own Quick Change stock car for a while."

We're long overdue for an update, so it's with apologies for the long break that we bring you this gem. And we would be remiss if we didn't mention that it comes courtesy of ’80s fanzine master, Curt King, of Demolish Fanzine.

We owe Curt big-time for providing us such a meaty morsel to sink our teeth into. The first thing we notice is that, for some odd reason, the dudes on the left all feel the need to spread their legs like they're about to get frisked. Which maybe was a regular occurrence for them. I mean, if that junked out old car they're standing in front of (very metal ambiance, btw) is their ride, they were probably getting pulled over by the cops with some regularity.

Can we also just note that "one of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong." And by that, we mean the guy on the right who stands a head taller than his bandmates, weighs half as much and sports a full-length leather trench coat. And his haircut and shades aren't doing him any favors either.

Rather than blather on about the finer details of this mystery band's overall "look," we'd prefer to just let you soak it all in and make some of your own observations. You may not know who this is, but here's your chance to at least make note of some details that may help determine the country of origin, the era, the style of metal they played, what styling products they used, etc.

REPOST: Still Up For Grabs

2010-12-01T14:14:00.001-08:00

OK, here is a link to the only post where the band has yet to be identified. See what you can do!

Fringe Era

Conjoined Twins of Different Mothers

2010-11-09T09:48:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure these fellas were on a major label, so this oughtta be a slam dunk for someone. Though I scanned this one months ago (and it had the band's name on the photo), I'll admit at the moment that I have no idea who it is. Mostly just because, well, they look rather generic and very cheesy.

First of all, the only reason two dudes in a metal band should be sitting like the guys on the right is if a) they are conjoined twins, b) one of them is actually dead and needs to be propped up (a la Weekend at Bernie's), or c) they are homosexual lovers. I don't know what the deal is here, but let's just all agree to agree that this is Not Metal. Nor are the white ankle-length leather boots, but I don't gotta tell you that, do I?

Egregious crime against metal #2: dude in background wearing what looks to be white cowboy boots with cutoffs. It's bad enough that the guy is wearing a ruffle-front shirt with a polka-dot vest, but that's just embarrassing.

And the hair is typical for circa 1989: Perms and mousse for all! I'm sure it made the ladies swoon back in the day, but now it just looks clownish.

Though I'm sure they'll cringe to be identified, we must know who these guys are.

UPDATE: Over the Thanksgiving holiday weekend, "Anonymous" correctly identified these guys as Mass—the Boston version, as there are several around the world. These guys were signed to RCA in the mid '80s, though this photo was after they were dropped and had signed to a large indie. They had one minor hit that you may recognize here. Not surprisingly, this band is reunited, hopefully without any of the above gear.

That's A Mirror, Not Identical Twins

2010-09-07T11:59:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the quality of this photo. It was, how shall we say, scavenged. I wish I had the original, as it's quite a dandy.

This was not, as far as I know, an actual official promo photo. However, it's a pretty sweet representation of the the various affectations necessary for a heavy metal band group shot.

First, we've gotta have the metal-approved wardrobe. Check. Well, except for the big fella on the left sporting the short-sleeve collared shirt. I've looked it up in the official How to Dress Heavy Metal reference book and this is not up to code. Sorry, dude.

However, this faux pas can be forgiven in light of the magnificent mane he's sporting. Totally metal all the way. Dude gets a free pass for that alone and could probably get away with wearing parachute pants with hair like that (though it's no doubt a perm, minus points).

Of course there's the token bottle blonde in the middle playing peek-a-boo, and the guy on the far right (who looks like he has a twin in the mirror) has some nice pout-n-pose action goin' on.

Who are they?

UPDATE: Over the Thanksgiving holiday weekend, "Anonymous" correctly identified this band as Monolith from Oregon. More specifically, they were from the Eugene/Springfield area and this photo was actually taken at the Record Garden, one of the coolest West Coast metal stores. I don't think Monolith ever released anything official, but I imagine they probably had a demo floating around. I seem to recall hearing them on "Commander" Al Scott's metal show on KZEL one time, but maybe I'm wrong.

Can You Guess Which One Is The Drummer?

2010-09-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

Yeah, he's the dude wearing the Zildjian shirt. Just so ya know. The dude in front, unfortunately was wearing his own band's T-shirt, so I had to do a little work on that.

Now, by my reckoning, these guys were of a late ’80s vintage. The hair just seems a little too, uh, worked on for the early or mid ’80s. Beyond that I'll leave it to you all to figure it out.

I know this isn't the most hilarious or noteworthy photo, but about half the guys in this band look like someone from another band which makes it interesting. In fact, if my eyesight weren't great, I could probably be convinced this was the Mach III lineup of Portland's Glacier. However, it ain't.

Also, don't forget that there are still three unidentified photos here that need some serious scrutiny.

UPDATE: Curt from Demolish Fanzine needed about half a glance to get this one. Mostly because he had a full post about Lethal on his own site. (Note to self, check Curt's site before posting anything from the late '80s...) Go to the comments section of this post for the details about the band, or just go here.

"We'll Mesmirize You All WIth Our Hair"

2010-04-26T06:42:00.000-07:00

Just found this one in the archives. I suspect it'll be easy, because this particular photo looks really familiar to me. Though you can't tell from this scan, the original photo was giant for a promo shot—must have been 9" x 12".

At first glance this reminds me of something from the late '60s or '70s. Thus, we can pretty much assume that this band didn't come out of mid-'80s LA. Or did they...?

In case you didn't notice, the guy on the left really wants you to know that he's the drummer, dammit! He's sporting a drumstick necklace and a cymbal badge. Guy on the right just looks a little...troubled. Like maybe he's worried people are gonna find out he's underage and the my-first-mustache just isn't convincing people otherwise.

Yeah, it's an odd mix of fellows in this one. Here's hoping we can figure this one out and find out what became of this lot.

UPDATE: Jojo has pegged these guys as "Saxon clone" Battleaxe, who were, in fact, Brits and who played a minor role in the NWOBHM. They put out a pair of rather unremarkable albums in the mid '80s (their first, at right, had an incredibly bad cover), but never really went anywhere. Believe it or not, they are confirmed for Headbanger's Open Air 2010.

Like Shooting Fish In A Barrel

2010-02-24T14:22:00.000-08:00

This beauty comes courtesy of Curt King of Demolish Fanzine, however, even he doesn't know what band it is. According to Curt, this was sent to him between '87-'90 (big surprise) and it fell out of the press kit it was originally sent with. So, there you go.

There couldn't have been too many bands with a member sporting such an amazing mullet, so someone's gotta recognize these guys. I'm mean, that is World Class! I can only assume since the person's shirt is open that this mullethead is in fact a man, but this particular style also has some fans among certain members of the opposite sex. If you know what I'm saying...

If you can pull your gaze away from that fella for just a second, you may notice the dude in front's striking resemblance to Alex Van Halen. He probably noticed that, too. Then there are the two poodles—cute, but harmless.

My guess is these guys sounded like White Lion and dreamed of the day they'd be "discovered" while playing at the local Holiday Inn lounge. Never happened, dudes. Sorry.

Long Overdue Update: Wow, I totally dropped the ball on this. Congrats to Jymbo for IDing these guys as Battle Bratt. Whatta name. I really don't know that I have much more to add. It all just seems ridiculous enough on its own. You will, no doubt, be excited to hear that Battle Brat put out a long-player in 1988, which has been reissued recently (by popular demand, I'm sure). Nice work, Jymbo. Sorry it took me so long to give you credit.

Hair Today Gone Tomorrow

2009-12-28T13:57:00.000-08:00

OK, another holiday gift to you all. This one not only featured a logo on it, the dude on the right is wearing his own band's T-shirt. Boooooooooo! However, all that may not matter much, because I think this picture is somewhat common. I think it was even used on one of the band's albums.

I still couldn't resist posting it, just for the expressions on their faces. And for the guitarist's hairy chest. That's well worth showing off. I can see why he decided against wearing a shirt to this photo shoot.

But, man, look at the mugs on these guys. Very serious. Not mean, not evil—just serious. Like Grandpa-just-died-unexpectedly (well, he was pretty old...) serious. I believe the Brits call this "po-faced."

And, yeah, the hair's something else, too. You can see as the posts here on TYM have progressed in time (relatively speaking) the hair just started getting bigger and bigger, even for non glam bands.

Let's hear your guesses.

Update: Curt from Demolish Fanzine correctly ID'd these guys as Masi (featuring the swarthy, shirtless shredder Alex Masi). This photo was from Masi's Metal Blade days, I believe, some time in the late '80s. I have to admit that I am completely unfamiliar with Masi's music. Partly because I was never much into the whole "shred" scene and partly because I was losing interest in most metal at this point. Most, not all.

Still Up For Grabs!

2009-12-14T08:28:00.001-08:00

OK, here are links to some old posts where the bands have yet to be identified. See what you can do!

Longhairs With Bangs

Fringe Era

"Make Us Look Cool or We Won't Help You Out of That Deep Hole"

REPOST: Random '80s Band Photo Generator

2009-12-14T08:11:00.000-08:00

REPOST UPDATE: This was originally posted in February, but since "Jymbo" just ID'd them, I figured I'd repost it.

Guess I kind of skipped a week there. Gotta be honest and say that the lack of response/interest was probably a contributing factor. Maybe the shine's faded from this particular endeavor. And I don't know if this post is gonna change things.

But, wait, do I see a pair of suspenders? You've got to be kidding me. Actually, make that two pairs of suspenders. And a bolo tie, dude? Isn't the Native American choker-thing enough neck adornment?

Closer examination of this photo leads me to believe that these guys didn't really go into this photo shoot (or perhaps their entire image) with a "plan." They just picked a little bit from here and there—Freddy Krueger shirt, skull shirt, weird dangly lapel pins, snakeskin shirt—and threw it at the wall, so to speak, to see what would stick.

Anyone still paying attention, I welcome your thoughts on this mess.

Update: Finally, "Jymbo" managed to ID these guys as Banshee, from Kansas City. I put this up because several Test Your Metal readers bristled at the fact that I lumped this band in with the other faceless and unremarkable major label signings of the late '80s. The funny thing is, that the people who jumped to Banshee's defense couldn't actually identify a picture of them. Since they were on a major label (and Metal Blade before that), they certainly aren't obscure and I won't bother getting into the details of their career. They have their own website for that.

Leather Boys

2009-10-26T11:24:00.000-07:00

Love the fact that these dudes are all about the black leather. They all have at least one piece of leather (or perhaps "pleather") clothing on. In addition, they have the requisite studded wristbands and belts. Yep, this is a metal band. No question about that.

Blondie was sporting his own band's T-shirt, so I (now that I have mastered the incredibly difficult tasking of using the "Magic Eraser" tool in Photoshop) had to black that out. The graphic on the Tee is still visible, but good luck using that to figure it out.

Best thing about this photo is that the dudes seem to be arranged by height from shortest to tallest. The guy on the right seems like a giant compared to his bandmates, although maybe that's just the camera perspective.

Have at it...

Update: So, "Anonymous" has correctly ID'd these guys as Savage Steel from Mississaugua, Ontario (Canada). Yet another New Renaissance Records band from the mid '80s. I'll refer you to all my previous New Ren band posts as to how I feel about SS. They may have been a decent band but you wouldn't have known it by the terrible recording and even worse album artwork on that first album. Witness:

Trailer Park Glam

2009-10-05T08:35:00.000-07:00

All right, maybe trailer park glam is a little harsh, but the rise of L.A. glam in the early and mid '80s gave rise to a whole slew of bands from across the States who tried their best to imitate the big city sleaze. With mixed results.

You can make your own assessment of these guys—who I have pretty clearly indicated weren't from L.A. and were American—but everything about them says "good intentions unfulfilled" to me. The hair was big, but the rest is just a patchwork of wild patterns (and colors, I'm sure), women's accessories and Spandex. One of these dudes even had his band's name sewn on his Spandex that I had to crop out. And the big dude in the middle is wearing a Marilyn Monroe T-shirt.

Thanks to bands like these, mostly devoid of any remarkable talent and any sense of originality, glam devolved into a ridiculous parody of an already fairly ridiculous genre. It's no wonder it only took a couple of Northwest grunge bands to dust the whole scene in the early '90s. It was built on nothing but image by that point and the quality of the music was atrocious.

These guys were one of hundreds of bands hoping to score a major label deal and break it big like Ratt or Motley Crue. Never happened.

Update: Congrats to Saint for correctly IDing these guys as Tuff Luck. I know it may seem like I'm picking on this label a little bit, but these guys were also on New Renaissance Records and they were generally emblematic of the largely third-rate material the label cranked out in the mid '80s. Not everything on New Renaissance was terrible, but the label did release a plethora of poorly recorded and poorly packaged albums (see for yourself) that generally established a sketchy reputation for themselves. Tuff Luck were from Florida and their self-titled debut was released in 1987. Needless to say, it didn't help them realize whatever major label dreams they may have had. There was a subsequent album that appears to be self-released in 1993.

Longhairs With Bangs

2009-09-28T12:21:00.000-07:00

Do these coiffs automatically qualify as mullets due to the bangs (fringe, I guess, in the UK) trimmed up to keep the hair out of their eyes? This was a very standard metal 'do in the Eighties, popularized most famously by Bruce Dickinson. Not a traditional mullet, which is short on the sides, as well, this is something of a hybrid.

These guys definitely look of an era and I'd imagine that their country of origin should at least be pretty easy. Since this is the only promo photo I've ever seen of the band, my guess is that someone else who's a regular here will recognize them at first glance.

Though I'm not entirely sure, I don't think that the dude in the lower right is wearing his own band shirt, so don't bother looking there for clues. Gotta love the flannel, though.

REPOST: A Chest As Smooth As A Baby's Bottom

2009-08-29T17:01:00.000-07:00

Someone couldn't be bothered to button their shirt, or put on a T-shirt for this photo shoot. So feast your eyes on the oh-so-appealing glimpse of his pre-pubescent teenage boy-looking chest. Classy. Come and get it, ladies.

Doubtful he's looking as svelte these days, as this photo is at least 20+ years old and he may well have packed on a few pounds and successfully navigated the perils of puberty. Based on how freakin' obscure this band is (though they did manage to release a very hard to find album), we may never know.

The rest of the band aren't really that bad. The mirrored aviator shades are pretty sweet (pre-Axl Rose, of course) and, if nothing else, they managed to clearly establish a basic heavy metal look. No one was gonna mistake them for, say, Loverboy. OK, maybe Loverboy, but not Dexy's Midnight Runners.

Update: Keir has correctly identified these guys as Shining Blade from Italy. I absolutely loved their demo I received back in the mid '80s. One of the songs on that, " Winged Snake," ended up on the first Speed Metal Hell album (though I'd hesitate to call SB speed metal), which is where Keir spotted them. Apparently there was some sort of bootleg or quasi-legit release by these guys that came out a little later, Touch the Night, but I've never actually seen it or confirmed that it exists. I still have that demo, though. It's very NWOBHM-ish, but very technical and proggy (kind of a precursor to DragonForce, in a weird sort of way). I was always surprised that they didn't make a bigger impact, but so it goes.

REPOST: I Swear This Band Is From The '80s

2009-08-24T10:23:00.000-07:00

I love this photo and, yeah, I know what band this is. I will be suitably impressed if anyone else gets this, because this is waaaay underground.

But look at that photo! It could have been taken in 1975! The facial hair, the leather jacket, the...everything! It's glorious how unintentionally retro this band looked. Once someone figures out their ID, I'll give you the full explanation as to why they look like this.

In the meantime, bask in the gloriousness of this photo and toss out a few guesses as to who it might be. (And, no, it's not Black Sabbath circa the Ian Gillan era, despite the obvious similarities...).

Update: I reposted this because "Anonymous" finally figured out who it is and I wanted to make sure it didn't get lost in the shuffle. This is, in fact, Lazarus Sin from Eugene, OR (hence the hippie-ish attire and overall image). Their self-issued debut, Intracranial Mass, which came out in 1988, is a cult progressive/thrash/power metal classic. It's even been reissued by the band, due to its underground notoriety and can be found here. I was living in Eugene when these guys were active and though they played shows, the Eugene scene didn't offer a lot of support. They were unjustly overlooked at the time and it's only in the last 20 years that people around the world have discovered what a solid band they were. I think at one point they changed their name to Lazarus and released a second album, but the debut (and get a load of that that cover below!) is the one to own.

And one more bonus pic from the same session as above.

The Fringe Era

2009-07-31T13:18:00.000-07:00

Ozzy used to rock the fringe back in the day, but I think most people would agree that it's not a look that should have gone past, say, 1973. And it should have been mostly relegated to stage wear (and maybe rodeos). You know, so people in the back of the room can see you better when you've got both arms raised and you're giving them the peace sign.

So, we've got these dour-lookin' fellas and, sure enough, there's a leather jacket with some fringe on it—front and center. Dude even decided that the look would be even more badass if he went shirtless. His bro on the left might actually be looking worse, however, as he seems to have a rather large white stain in the crotchal region of his pants and not even his sweet leather vest can cover that up.

The right side of the photo looks vaguely like it was lifted from an Iron Maiden promo shot cira 1979 with these Paul Di'Anno and Steve Harris look alikes.

On the plus side, it doesn't seem that these guys spent nearly as much time working on their hair as the guys in Mystic Force.

Anyone recognize, 'em?

REPOST: These Boots Are Made For Rockin'

2009-07-21T12:11:00.000-07:00

This was originally posted in late 2008. It's one of a handful of bands that remain unidentified. Please check out the comments in the original post before guessing. And, no, this isn't Rail.

This one should be a slam dunk. I put this up not so much because I think it will be particularly difficult to figure out, but more as an example of what bands in the early ’80s thought a metal promo photo should look like. I mean, c'mon!

To be fair, though, the entire scene was considerably less sophisticated then. Dudes in a small town with limited access to magazines and fanzines (or other local bands to look up to or emulate) only had a vague idea of what a metal band should look like so they just kind of filled in the blanks with whatever seemed kinda bad ass.

And sometimes that meant putting on giant fuzzy boots.

Update: This obviously didn't turn out to be as easy as I thought it would be, but Keir, after a little sleuth work finally figured out that this is Prophet, a rather short-lived band from California, who had a track on the very first New Renaissance release, Metal Madness. The dude wearing the boots is the dimunitive Jayme Minson, who later formed Arsin, while his ex-bandmates formed Synbad, neither of which did anything to speak of. We do wonder what happened to those boots, though...

Don't Touch the Hair, Dude

2009-07-03T10:30:00.001-07:00

The most notable thing about this rather dull promo photo is the fact that all of these dudes have very immaculately coiffed 'dos. Which actually may help date them. I mean, no one looked like this in '82 or '83. Sure, bands had long hair, but it didn't look like this.

I think there may have been a curling iron involved here. Seriously. There was definitely a lot of styling mousse and/or Aqua-Net involved. I wonder if they all crowded around the same mirror spraying and fluffing up their long locks, maybe comparing styling techniques for getting those shorter bits on top to stand up nice and big.

Yeesh.

Anyway, have a happy Independence Day. Here's hoping (at least in America) you'll be drinking a cold beer (or three) and remembering this important piece of advice: Light the fuse and RUN!

Update: Congrats once again to Ian Christe for IDing this band as Mystic Force from Baltimore. They are apparently back together and recording. I don't know much about them, but they seem to be the kind of power metal/thrash combo that was pretty common in the late '80s. I think I might have had one of their demos. I presume Mr. Christe did, too, and probably has a copy of this same photo.

REPOST: Spot The '80s Wardrobe Essentials

2009-06-20T12:53:00.000-07:00

This was originally posted in late 2008. It's one of a handful of bands that remain unidentified.

Let's start off by ticking off the checklist of essential "metal" accoutrements we can spot in this picture:

• Torn T-shirt (shredded to look like fringe). Check.
• Fingerless gloves. Check.
• Scarf tied around head. Check.
• Bandana around neck. Check.

I'm sure there are more that we just can't see.

A couple of other things bother me about this picture, though. First, why does the guy on the right look so scared of his bandmate's armpit hair? And second, why is blondie grabbing his bandmate's hair from behind and smiling so broadly?

My guess is that these guys are European and probably had an album or two out on some long-gone French label. Anyone?

2008 update: I "accidentally" discovered what band this is, and I will be stunned if anyone else gets it. Suffice to say, my guess (above) was right on the money. Good luck!

July 2009 update: Congrats to Alcolm X for figuring this one out. It is zee French band called Stators. My guess is that Alcolm X went to the Metal Archives and just clicked through all the French bands (yes, you can sort by country over there), until he spotted a very similar photo of the band. Which is fine. Doesn't matter to me what your methodology is. As for info about Stators, there's little out there. I still own their one and only album—...Never Too Late (1985, Axe Killer)—but it's been 20+ years since I've heard it. You can check out part of a track for yourself here. Not terrible, vaguely NWOBHM-ish. Mystery solved.

Moustaches: Metal or Not-Metal? Discuss.

2009-06-19T07:52:00.000-07:00

Well, this is a meaty dish, isn't it? Lots to dig into here. Not the least of which are the fuzzy caterpillars crawling across two of these dudes' upper lips. I know that in certain circles of metal copious amounts of facial hair are now OK, but the hirsute look was not a popular one in the '80s. And the wispy, my-first-whiskers moustaches this pair is sporting aren't doing them any favors.

In general, the hair in this photo is not good, nor very metal. Only one dude is truly representin'. The others seem like they're trying—maybe they're new to the game—but it's overall a weak effort. And is the guy on the right wearing a skinny tie (or is it a cravat, or jaunty scarf?)? Very puzzling.

The inclusion of two axes in the photo would lead us to believe that guy on far left was the bassist, while cravat guy on the right was the guitarist. The fingerless leather gloves the other two are sporting would lead us to assume that one of them was the drummer. Let's hope the person fronting this band was the one with the long hair.

This photo may look somewhat familiar due to the fact that I posted another picture of this band way back on Election Day. It's one of a handful of bands on the site that remain unidentified. And since Keir suggested I repost some of them, this will be my first effort in that endeavor.

UPDATE: Well, it took a long-ass time, but Keir finally figured out that this is Siren. As he said, he was a huge fan, but he had no idea what they looked like, which I think is probably not uncommon. They were something of a cult power metal band of the mid '80s. I used to correspond with vocalist Doug "Dead" Lee, who was a helluva nice guy, so I do feel a little bad poking fun at this. It's all in good fun, Doug, I swear! Anyway, Doug ended up in German band Mekong Delta from 1990-1997, but I don't think the other guys went on to do much beyond the two albums they released on indie labels.

Revenge of the Nerds

2009-06-08T05:59:00.000-07:00

Usedta be that metal was populated by the uncool dudes (see above). That's because it was patently uncool to be into metal at various times over the last 30 or so years. By "uncool" I mean not accepted by the masses.

So, yeah, plenty of freaks and outcasts found their way to the music. And, while I don't want to make any judgements about these guys based on this photo, my guess is that they were like me and my friends in high school in the early-'80s: a small tribe that kept to itself and was pretty much ignored by everyone else.

Hell, a picture of me and my friends back then would have looked pretty much exactly like this one—bad skin, funky haircuts and all. But these dudes were in a band, and we weren't (yet).

Any idea who they are?

Update: I can't sneak any New England bands past Ian. He immediately recognized these guys as Executioner, featuring Seth Putnam on the left. Seth wasn't the band's original bass player, but I think he joined after their first album. Executioner were one of the plethora of trashy mid-'80s "thrash" bands that seemed to be influenced by the early Metal Blade output. Most of them ended up on New Renaissance Records, and most of them were unremarkable. The artwork was terrible, the production was weak. Some of them may have actually been decent bands, but it was hard to tell from albums they released.

Happy Disembodied Head

2009-05-26T09:18:00.000-07:00

Just stumbled across this in my personal "archives" (aka piles of crap collecting dust) and though the band looks really familiar, I have no clue who it is. So, up it goes. I'm pretty sure this'll be an easy one.

Even if it isn't, there's much to enjoy here. Not the least of which is the guy in the lower right corner who looks like he used an entire eye-liner pencil to make himself look like a scared raccoon. Totally not evil looking, dude. Fail.

And the smoke machine, while creating that Halloweenish ambiance they were obviously looking for, has the added benefit of making the guy in the upper right look like he has no body. And he seems cool with that. Maybe even a little ecstatic.

Enjoy, my friends. Enjoy. And also don't forget to post your comments and guesses.

Update: Any of you who are familiar with the logo, would have noticed that the dude in the lower left corner is wearing a Ruthless shirt. So, yeah, I do believe this is LA band Ruthless, who are reunited (or still together?). I like Keir's comment (and correct ID of the band) about their "confused evil glam look," because that about sums it up. The music was pretty similar. They put out an EP in 1984 on Iron Works in the States (and Axe Killer in Europe) and a full-length on Axe Killer in 1986. Fade to obscurity. There are probably Europeans who think this band are a god-like kvlt band (like Glacier, I bet they're huge in Greece), but they never did much for me. I like the photo, though. And anyone reading this who is a big Ruthless fan, feel free to contact me because I have a ton of Ruthless memorabilia from the mid-80s that the band sent me back in the day.

The Smallest Metal Band In The World

2009-04-28T11:49:00.000-07:00

Sorry that this picture is so small, but I guess it kind of fits the theme of the post. Most metal bands try to make themselves look larger than life somehow in their promo photos, but by staging this shoot in front of what I presume are giant doors, these guys end up looking like Lilliputians.

I think I would have also avoided wearing bright red shoes, leather jacket, T-shirt, etc. in front of the bright red doors. I am a big fan, however, of the leather-jacket-with-the-arms-pushed-up look. I'm kind of surprised no one ever had the idea to simply make 3/4-sleeve leathers. I mean, those stupid full-length sleeves are always getting in the way. And what is the deal with those bright red shoes?

As always, comments, guesses and conspiracy theories are welcome.

Update: OK, I screwed up and left the band's name on the photo file I uploaded, so I obviously gave it away. Didn't seem like anyone ID'd them based on how they looked. This is Portland, Oregon's own Glacier. Glacier was kind of a hard-luck band who could have been a lot bigger had a few breaks gone their way. They went through a lot of lineups in the early 80s, but hit their stride with the Mach III lineup in the mid 80s which featured vocalist Mike Podrybau, who they recorded the classic 3-song demo, "Ready For Battle" with. Small French label Axe Killer put out their only official recording, a self-titled, 5-song EP (which is incredibly hard to find) that featured the Podrybau-sung tracks from the demo, as well as two newer songs, each with a different vocalist: Keith Flax, Rex McNew. It must have been confusing to people who bought it at the time, since it pictured the four instrumentalists in the band (though it even misidentified two of them, see below) and didn't show any of the three vocalists. Glacier stayed together for a few more years and recorded another demo, this time with vocalist Tim Lachman (brother of Pat Lachman of Damageplan, Halford, etc.) who went on to sing for Gargoyle (who put out a now-highly sought after album on New Renaissance records). Apparently Glacier are quite the underground heroes in Greece and a bootleg CD called The Writer's Eye, which compiles all of the abovementioned material, was released by Greek label Hot Metal Records.

Your Antics Are Making Me Sleepy

2009-04-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

Well, we've entered a new era of Test Your Metal-dom. Rather than drawing from my own collection, I've scavenged this gem from the Interweb. So, it's possible that some of you may have seen this one before. It's a pretty obscure band, but ya never know.

Anyway, I couldn't resist its Spinal Tap appeal. And the fact that the dude on the right's eyes were closed and yet they decided, "That's the best photo we can offer to the world to represent our band." Maybe the guy always looked like that, so it was no big deal.

The other three seem awfully chummy and happy to be mugging for the camera together, while poor ol' Sleepy is the odd man out. If only his hair was longer, the other guys might have accepted him as one of their own.

And the band is?

Update: Whoa, I totally fell asleep at the wheel there! Yes, this is Slauter Xstroyes, as Keir correctly noted. I found this photo when I was looking for info on a band in one of my previous (still unidentified) posts. (I always love it when people compare a super-obscure band to another super-obscure band--that's useful.) Anyway, I loved the photo and I loved the name. And I have no idea how to pronounce it. These guys were from Chicago and they put out a self-released album in 1985 called Winter Kill. They recorded a follow-up that was set for release in 1987, but it didn't see the light of day until 1995. Very progressive, kind of thrashy. And they are remarkably like that mystery band from an older post that I alluded to above, which is kind of crazy.

Which One of These Is Not Like The Others?

2009-03-24T13:39:00.000-07:00

Here's a bonus for you, since I've been a little slack with the posts recently.

I just love everything about the look of this band because it is so of-an-era (and a specific scene). In doing a little extra research I discovered that this is a particularly notable shot in the history of this band. Read into that what you will, but a full explanation will be provided once someone figures this out.

And, yeah, we're continuing with the theme of shirtless men. And Japanese paraphernalia. I also need to point out the awesomeness of the laced up shirt the other up-front poodle is sporting.

Now, if only the dude in the middle had gotten the memo about the official band coiff for this session. Hello! Alex Lifeson called and wants his 1970s 'do back!

This may actually turn out to be an easy one, but I can never tell. You tell me.

Update: "Anonymous" correctly ID'd this as Savage Grace, a Metal Blade band best known for it's ultra-cheesy album covers, and not much else. I'm sure that people will chirp about how these guys "should have been bigger" and that they released some "under-appreciated proto speed metal blah blah blah," but my recollection is a little more like this: another faceless, generic Metal Massacre band. There were tons of them back in the day and these guys were no better or worse than the others, but they seemed to lack some good decision-making skills based on their album art and nonstop rotating lineup. Which brings me to what makes this picture notable in SG history. Probably no one would recognize him (and, honestly, why would you), but the second guy from the right is former Witchkiller guitarist Kurt Phillips, a Canadian who was in the band very briefly. He never recorded anything, so this may be the entirety of his Savage Grace legacy. Phillips now lives on Vancouver Island in British Columbia and plays in a band called Warhag. Even stranger, guitarist Christian Logue (far left) was arrested in 2005 for allegedly impersonating a doctor. I have no idea what happened with this, but it's a weird twist to the Savage Grace saga.

A Chest As Smooth As A Baby's Bottom

2009-03-21T12:43:00.000-07:00

And Now For Something Completely Different

2009-03-05T12:00:00.000-08:00

This was, I believe, taken in the '80s , but it's probably not going to be very easy for the regulars here as it's from a different era in metal than what I usually focus in on. Take that for what it's worth. I dunno if that's gonna help anyone.

The effect of taking this photo in a cemetery (a clue as to the kind of band this is?) is somewhat nullified by the heart-shaped floral arrangement in the upper left corner. It doesn't exactly set the ominous tone I think these dudes were aiming for.

This band did precious little during the time they were together, but they nonetheless had a certain notoriety for their "associations." Once someone IDs them, I'll post another piece of their memorabilia that's pretty hilarious and will illuminate what I'm hinting at regarding their "associations."

Update: So, yeah, this was pretty easy, because not one, but two of the dudes in this band were sporting Incubus T-shirts. This is the death metal band Incubus who were sort of from Florida and sort of from Georgia, a long, confusing story based around the fact that two of the dudes—bassist/vocalist Sterling Von Scarborough (who may or may not have died in 2006) and drummer Mike Browning—were in an early incarnation of Morbid Angel, who were Florida based at the time (circa 1986). Anyway, upon leaving MA to reform Incubus, Von Scarborough took the opportunity to bag on his former band mates, saying in the press release (below): "I learned their material in a short period of time, but they couldn't play my songs. The guitarist said it was too fast and complex....After I left, Morbid Angel folded (by the way, if you hear the old Morbid Angel demo, remember, I WAS NOT ON IT!!!)." The press release also mentions how Incubus was planning to move to San Francisco in '87 to "find a REAL guitarist." They DIDN'T move to SF and they added local guitarist Gino Marino who they recorded a 3-song demo with. That demo was eventually pressed into a 7" EP and that is all she wrote for Incubus.

Random '80s Band Photo Generator

2009-02-25T09:14:00.000-08:00

Guess I kind of skipped a week there. Gotta be honest and say that the lack of response/interest was probably a contributing factor. Maybe the shine's faded from this particular endeavor. And I don't know if this post is gonna change things.

But, wait, do I see a pair of suspenders? You've got to be kidding me. Actually, make that two pairs of suspenders. And a bolo tie, dude? Isn't the Native American choker-thing enough neck adornment?

Closer examination of this photo leads me to believe that these guys didn't really go into this photo shoot (or perhaps their entire image) with a "plan." They just picked a little bit from here and there—Freddy Krueger shirt, skull shirt, weird dangly lapel pins, snakeskin shirt—and threw it at the wall, so to speak, to see what would stick.

Anyone still paying attention, I welcome your thoughts on this mess.

Update: Finally, "Jymbo" managed to ID these guys as Banshee, from Kansas City. I put this up because several Test Your Metal readers bristled at the fact that I lumped this band in with the other faceless and unremarkable major label signings of the late '80s. The funny thing is, that the people who jumped to Banshee's defense couldn't actually identify a picture of them. Since they were on a major label (and Metal Blade before that), they certainly aren't obscure and I won't bother getting into the details of their career. They have their own website for that.

"OK, Now Tilt Your Head To The Right...A Little More..."

2009-02-10T09:48:00.000-08:00

This unfortunate-looking trio all have a tilt to their heads like an expectant dog waiting for a treat. Maybe the photographer was dangling some Snausages to get them to pay attention to him while he was snapping away.

Now, because two of these dudes seem to be of Asian descent, I'm gonna give the guy on the right a pass on the official Heavy Metal Crime of sporting a T-shirt with the Japanese Rising Sun and Kanji characters (a torn up one, no less). Don't know that I can be so forgiving of his counterpart on the left who seems to have both a bandana and a studded leather choker around his neck. Eesh.

The guy in the middle looks all the whiter and out of place sandwiched between these two. In fact, he kinda looks like a Kelly Johnson (R.I.P.) of Girlschool doppelganger. For which I feel some pity in pointing out. Sorry, guy.

I know who this band is and, uh, let's just say that given plenty of opportunities to make a mark in the metal world, they were mostly unsuccessful. They did leave behind some excellent promo photos, however, which I'll be happy to share once we get an ID on 'em. (And Ian is banned from commenting on this post [at least until it's revealed], due to his corroboration on it.)

Update: Yes, indeed, this is Canadian band Sye. Alcolm X correctly ID'd them. Finally. I thought that they looked so unique that someone would have gotten this right off the bat. Sye released two albums, Turn on the Fire (on Metal Blade, 1985), and Wings of Change (on Loudspell, 1988), but were never able to turn the corner. Some have lauded their second album, but their first was pretty universally panned. Here's a bonus picture provided by Ian Christe with an obviously different lineup around guitarist/vocalist Bernie Carlos.

The Beginning Of The End

2009-02-02T08:24:00.000-08:00

Now I'm not going to suggest that the above pictured band was somehow responsible for how ridiculous metal got once it hit the mainstream in the mid '80s, but they are definitely representative of the glut of bands that were suddenly signed and foisted onto the world based on nothing more than their hometown and hairstyles.

It's a pro-shot promo and the dudes look like they're well-groomed (i.e. there was probably a stylist involved), so we can surmise that there was some money backing them. But if you ever had the pleasure of listening to the accompanying record, you'd know why this quartet has been long forgotten.

Though I'm picking on these dudes, the unfortunate thing is that they were just one of many utterly forgettable second, third and fourth generation craphounds (anyone remember Cats in Boots, Vain, Child's Play, Dirty Looks, Banshee, D'Molls, Roxx Gang, etc., etc.? Could you tell one from another if I posted pictures of them?) that besmirched metal's good name during its first real taste of mega popularity. On the plus side, these kinds of bands were probably largely responsible for sending "real" metal back underground and fueling the rise of the extreme era.

Anyone have any thoughts on who this band is?

Update: Congrats to Keir for his correct guess of Shire. Yeah, where are they today? Where were they a year after their debut EP came out on Enigma, for that matter? Nowheresville, population 1. I really have no other information other than the fact that their record came out during a very fertile time in the LA metal scene and they were just another face in the crowd. I probably still have this record and I probably only listened to it once before deciding it was pretty generic. I guess the singer went on to front the equally obscure Attakk, but that's all I know. Keir, if you have more info, feel free to post it in the comments section and I'll add it here.

Fists of Metal!

2009-01-27T09:48:00.000-08:00

I thought this post deserved a Manowar-esque title. I mean, forget the Invisible Orange, a clenched fist (shall we call it this gesture the Gerbil Squeeze?) suggests you're about to get a good pummeling—metaphorically speaking, of course. In this case, by two shirtless men. Savage!

This is another photo where I know the band's ID, and I think this may be an easy one. What's not so easy is having to stare at the dude on the right with the fish-belly-white chest. Dude in the middle is no picnic (though extra points for the natural 'fro!), but the metal platelets strapped across his chest at least give him some semblance of metalosity (yeah, that's a made-up word). Fish Belly just looks like he wanted to take off his shirt and join the fun—maybe do some man-hugging with his bro in the middle after the shoot was finished. I don't friggin' know.

I'll be sorely disappointed if this takes more than 24 hours to get, considering the total dearth of black dudes in metal bands in the '80s. And anyone who does know this band, I must insist that you share any and all info about them, and provide a full admision of how many of their albums you own (which I know will be tough to admit publicly...).

Update: Though he's apparently too shy to fess up to the full extent of his knowledge of this band, "Boleslaw" did manage to correctly ID them about 30 minutes after I posted the photo. It is, in fact, Mass from Germany. These dudes started up in the '70s but released most of their albums in the early '80s, including the gem below, Kick Your Ass, which I'm proud to say I own. According to Rockdetector, they actually toured with Celtic Frost in 1985. Now that would have been something to see.

I Swear This Band Is From The '80s

2009-01-19T13:01:00.000-08:00

Invisible Lemons?

2009-01-13T13:22:00.000-08:00

Since this photo dates from circa 1985 this is an early representation of the Invisible Oranges hand gesture. Dude on the left, unfortunately, looks like he's holding a couple of invisible lemons. He also seems to be wearing some hockey gear--hilariously utilized around the same time by Raven. Guess it helps do the killer knee slides when you're busting out a solo or something. It also vaguely looks like armor.

As for the rest of the crew...where to begin. Eye makeup? Really, dude? The outfit says, James Hetfield, but the eye makeup kind of looks like Slayer circa 1983. Even they figured out that was a bad idea pretty quickly.

Multi-zippered PVC pants? They immediately bring Michael Jackson circa "Thriller" to my mind, but maybe Judas Priest were rockin' this kind of gear back then in the Turbo days. They are unfortunate, either way

Anyway, there's much to be amused by here (not the least of which is the fact that this was shot at a professional photo studio, you know like where people get family portraits done and such). I know who this band is and I'm curious to see who else can figure it out from this excellent photo.

Update: Once again I must congratulate Mr. Sound of the Beast (soon to be translated into Urdu) himself, Ian Christe, for coming through with the answer: Attila. Though there have been other bands with this moniker (including--I shit you not--a "party death metal" band from Georgia), these guys were the original. Formed in the early '80s in NYC, they contributed to a couple of comps, including Speed Metal Hell, and released one album on Shattered Records, Rolling Thunder, in 1986.

Anyone Look Familiar?

2009-01-06T12:43:00.000-08:00

Welcome to 2009. Can't believe we're almost through with this unnameable decade (the double-oughts?). So, we're starting the new year with something that actually is a reference to an older post that still remains unsolved. I dunno if this band is any more recognizable, but they were on a major label for a brief period of time. And, one member of this band was also in that older photo I posted.

BTW, the reason for the weird crop on this photo is one of the knuckleheads was wearing his own band's shirt, thus a dead giveaway. (Informal poll: Your thoughts on this practice? Cool or totally cheesy?) So, we're just left with four leather-clad, relatively average-looking longhairs.

However, comparing this to that older photo, the lone holdover has clearly improved his appearance. There's not a dude in that old post who doesn't look like a complete goof (and I'm being kind here), even though the photos were probably taken just a few years apart.

Have fun comparing them and here's hoping that someone will be able to figure them both out.

Update: Guess it just took some fresh eyes to figure this one out. Carlos checked in with the correct answer of Toranaga, from the UK, who put their debut out on Peaceville Records, signed to Chrysalis, released a second album and then more or less disappeared. Dude in the front is vocalist Mark Duffy, who was also in Millennium--the rather unfortunate-looking NWOBHM band that seemingly took its promo photo at Kmart. Duffy was rocking a mullet back in the Millennium days, something he wisely abandoned in Toranaga. Duffy is still in the music biz and his latest project is called Face the Unknown.

My Holiday Gift to You: A Gimme

2008-12-23T12:10:00.000-08:00

Sorry, I couldn't find any obscure photos of bands decked out in Santa hats or pretending to be Christmas elves. So instead I've posted this beauty just 'cause it makes me chuckle. And it has absolutely no holiday connection at all.

But look at the expressions on the dudes on the right and left sides: they are priceless. Guy on the right looks like he's holding in a bonghit (or maybe just trying to suck in his gut for the camera), while the guy on the left looks like he's just exhaled his (or drank a dozen cold ones...he looks wrecked!).

And that poster in the back--a classic from a truly different era--is the best, though it's probably a dead giveaway as to this band's identity. So, chime in if you're actually paying attention to this blog instead of arguing with your family or screaming at your kids to, once and for all, stop playing with the goddamn ornaments on the tree. Ah, I love the holidays. Really do.

Check back for more fun in 2009.

AT

Update: Our holiday ended up getting cut short due to the atrocious weather in the NW (yeah, yeah, I know we're a bunch of wimps, but we don't usually get 2 straight weeks of snow and thus are lacking in basic snow-removal equipment like plows, etc.) so I'm back a little early to confirm that "Brocas Crelm" correctly identified this band as At War--as if you all didn't know. They have reformed recently and you can check out a new demo by looking at Ian's post in the comments section.

Is That Chainmail...or a Sweater?

2008-12-17T12:47:00.000-08:00

Seems like a reasonable question to ask, right? I mean these guys don't exactly seem the Armored Saint types, so maybe the second guy from the right thought that he'd just wear a nice cozy sweater to the photo shoot. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

This is kind of a motley crew image wise, though the photo was certainly professionally shot (unlike some abominations I've posted here). It definitely has a distinctly '70s feel, but I can definitively say that this was taken in the mid '80s.

I have a feeling that certain people who are regulars here will recognize this band immediately as they, uh, achieved some amount of success. I don't think they lasted beyond when this photo was taken, though. May have been their last hurrah. Or at least certain members' last hurrah...

Update: Another quick (and correct) guess by Keir. Actually, he didn't really guess; he knew for sure that this is the German band Bullet. I didn't realize that this was taken for their first album, so, yes, they did have one more hurrah before packing it in. Apparently a couple of the dudes, guitarist Jürgen Graf and bassist Fitty Wienhold, have done time in U.D.O. (Fitty is still part of the group, in fact), fitting since Bullet were occasionally called out for sounding like Accept. Unfortunately, both albums that Bullet released in the early '80s, though reissued by High Vaultage in the late '90s, are out of print.

They're Called Legwarmers for a Reason, Dude

2008-12-09T12:08:00.000-08:00

Love the posing going on here. Dude on the left looks like he's about to give someone a Fistful of Metal. And cut the guy on the right's hair all tidy, take off his eye makeup and put him in some khakis and a sweater and he's ready for a J. Crew catalog.

Why he's wearing a legwarmer on his arm, however, is truly a mystery for the ages. His whole outfit seems like it was assembled by a crow that just scavenged together a bunch of shiny bits and colorful pieces of string. I'm not positive, but it looks like the tough guy on the left might have a door knocker under his chin. And I have no idea what exactly is cascading off the ear of the guy standing next to him.

Now, some of you may recognize members of this band and be a little baffled by others. I would venture to say that you may well never see this photo anywhere else again. It is a true rarity for a number of reasons that I'll reveal only when someone can correctly guess what band this is.

Update: Once again, this took no time for Nightlock to figure out. It's the Wild Dogs circa 1985, I believe. It was after Man's Best Friend and before Reign of Terror. They had kicked "Fat" Matt McCourt out because management just thought he didn't have that "commercial appeal" they needed to get a major label deal (if anyone out there ever saw them live, you'd understand...the dude had a great voice, but he was a loose cannon on stage). Anyway, they brought in this young guy with a shriek that'd peel paint named John Tejeda (far right, and below). They played a bunch of shows around the NW with him (and also apparently did a photo shoot) and just as they were about to embark on a tour opening for Yngwie and Talas, Tejeda goes AWOL and they quickly grab McCourt to cover for him on the tour. That was the end of the Tejeda era in the Wild Dogs. He later went on to front a Eugene, OR, band called Mysstress that put out an EP that's become somewhat of a collector's item. McCourt was again kicked to the curb after the Yngwie tour and Michael Furlong was brought in to sing on Reign of Terror, the final official Wild Dogs album.

Before There Was Testing For Steroids in Metal...

2008-12-04T13:40:00.000-08:00

...there was this glorious trio of well-oiled, meaty manhood. Look, I'm not implying that these guys were on the juice, but compare them to your average metal musician, who generally never lifted anything heavier than an amplifier, and they just seem to be a little "pumped up."

How all these muscles on muscles might have affected their playing ability is up for debate. I had a demo, but my recollection of it is not good. I was, however, sufficiently amused by the promo photos they sent to hold onto them, and they still make me chuckle (I have another I've posted below).

My guess is that they ended up in the WWF or porno or something, as the opportunities available for a trio of mediocre, He-Man-looking metalheads are pretty minimal in the music biz (with apologies to Kane Roberts).

Update: Less than 24 hours later, Keir has correctly identified this beefy trio as Mesomorph, from NY. As you may have surmised, two of the dudes were brothers, and one of them (vocalist/bassist Steve Steele) actually went on to join Kane Roberts' band (where else could he go after Mesomorph?). The band issued a couple of demos in the mid '80s and contributed to the Iron Tyrants compilation (see below), but I'm pretty sure that was it.

Update 1/6/09: As promised, here's another Mesomorph photo, just for giggles.

"Do You Smell Something Burning?"

2008-11-27T11:56:00.000-08:00

Here's a band with the complete package. They've got the looks, the clothes, the attitude, the hair and even the right poses. All the photographer needed to do was to crank the smoke machine to 11 and let them work their magic. If we get nothing else from this fine photo, it should at least stand as a shining example of what a decent (i.e. not laughably goofy) promo photo should look like.

Unfortunately, these dudes weren't able to make it on looks alone. And this is why their photo ended up on my blog. OK, yeah, a couple of the bands whose pics I've thrown up here did sell an album or two, but most just contributed a track to a comp or issued a self-released EP. Their 15 minutes was fleeting.

I do know who these guys are and though they pretty much went nowhere back in the '80s, they are back together today. Which begs the question: why? Maybe they just felt that if these guys or these guys did it, they could too. Twenty years from now I'll be posting a photo of 5 fortysomething dudes asking if anyone remembers their equally obscure reunion.

Update: Once again Ian Christe comes through with the correct answer, the Bay Area's very own Ruffians. Their closest brush with "fame" was having vocalist Carl Albert (pictured above, and sadly now deceased) go on to front Vicious Rumors. And as I mentioned above, Ruffians have reunited and are still playing in the Bay Area.

"Make us look cool or we won't help you out of that deep hole!"

2008-11-19T17:44:00.000-08:00

I know, kind of a lame title for this post, but some days you have it and some days you don't. There a number of things I find comical about this photo, not the least of which is the perspective it was taken from--shot to accentuate the crotches of the band's tight-fitting jeans. Nice.

And then there's the Franknstein monster on the right who looks like he borrowed his granny's rabbit fur coat for the shoot. I mean, WTF is that?!? I may have to get an official ruling on this, but I'm pretty sure that is not metal. At all.

My final concern has to do with the odd, washed-out nature of the contrast on this--I think--B&W photo. Did they mean to make it look vaguely pink (or whatever)? And, if so, why? To obscure the fact that they were a raggedy bunch of heshers (do I see a mustache?) who had to discover the hard way that even playing in a band wasn't gonna get them any action from the ladies? Who knows.

More importantly, does anyone know who this band is?

UPDATE: My apologies to Boleslaw for getting to this update a little slowly, but you know it's the holidays and all. Anyway, congrats for FINALLY figuring out that this is Florida band Atomic Opera. I'm a little surprised it took so long since Ian Christe did a small post about the band a few years ago (which is here). Atomic Opera were contemporaries of Savatage, Siren, Nasty Savage and other mid-’80s FLA metal bands, though obviously they were all from different cities/scenes. Ian had AO's two-song demo posted at his site, but I don't know if that link is good anymore. Maybe if you ask nicely, he'll repost.

"Dude Who Sat Behind Me in Math Class"

2008-11-13T08:40:00.000-08:00

"Lynott" left a comment in a previous post about one of the guys in the band looking like the "dude that sat behind me in math class," and it made me think two things: 1) I was that dude in high school, and 2) anyone reading this probably either remembers someone like that, or was that person.

This fairly unremarkable promo photo--nothing particularly cheesy or cool, a band decked out in basic denim and leather, hanging out in a bar--struck me as a collection of five "dudes who sat behind me in math class."

Anyway, I actually used to correspond with this band back in the day. If/when someone figures it out, I'll see if I can't dig out one of the letters (written on the band's personalized stationary, natch) and post it.

(And ignore that "19 Denmark" in the bottom right corner, it's not a clue as to the country of origin or name of this band.)

Update: This is one the longest unsolved posts so far. (There's still this one.) . Anyway, Keir was flipping through his NWOBHM Encyclopedia--the lucky bastard--and he came across this exact picture. It's Soldier. And unless you went to school in the UK, none of these dudes probably sat behind you in math class. I know I said I'd try to dig out some of the correspondence I had with this band, but I've so far been unsuccessful. Maybe I just made the whole thing up in my head. Hard to say. Anyway, Soldier were one of those obscure-for-a-reason NWOBHM bands. Weren't horrible, weren't amazing. They more or less peaked with their debut single "Sheralee," a power ballad released by Heavy Metal Records in 1982. They issued a couple of demos after that and then faded away...until their inevitable reunion in 2003. They even issued a new album in 2005 called Sins of the Warrior.

Dudes Look Like (Ugly) Ladies

2008-11-07T07:58:00.000-08:00

This photo must have been taken around the time of glam/hair metal's peak, when the more the dudes in the band looked like chicks, the more popular they were. And even if the band wasn't popular, they could, for a brief time at least, get away with looking completely androgynous. It was a relatively short window of time, though, and inevitably bands had to outdo each other, leading to these kinds of shenanigans. (Thank god grunge eventually put a stop to the escalating ridiculousness.)

An interesting side note about these gals is that they had the same exact band name as a much more influential (though not necessarily popular or well-known) band from the early '80s. As far as I know, there was never a dispute over the name.

As far as I'm concerned, there's no shame in actually knowing what band this is, but if you'd prefer to post a reply anonymously, that's cool with me. I understand.

Update: Well, I was starting to think that I had stumped everyone with the last few posts, but Keir correctly guessed that this is indeed Sweet Savage from Dallas, Texas. For a good laugh, I'd suggest checking out the ridiculously longwinded bio on their MySpace page. By their own account they were "this close" to being megastars. If only...

Bonus Election Day Post

2008-11-04T13:07:00.001-08:00

Here's a band that loves its country. So much, in fact, it decided to have a promo photo taken in front of Old Glory. Good for them! Here's hoping that wherever they are today, they took part in the democratic process and voted. And if you're a registered American voter, please do the same.

UPDATE: Since Keir finally figured out that the other post that links to this is Siren, I figured I should update this as well. Yes, this is also Siren, proud patriots before it was cool to be a proud patriot. Although vocalist Doug Lee went on to front German band Mekong Delta. What's up with that?

Glam + Moustaches = Unintended Hilarity

2008-10-30T09:22:00.000-07:00

This one's a real gem. Ignoring for a moment just how goofy the dudes in the band look, let's focus in on the fact that this black & white photo has been touched up (waaaaaay before there was Photoshop, etc.) with some carefully placed red (clothes, guitar, lips!) and yellow (hair) highlights. And I really don't know why they did this. They should have either a) just gone with a standard B&W shot, b) gone with a color shot, or c) taken advantage of the fact that they could alter a B&W photo however they pleased and given the blond dudes really outrageously colored hair (I'm thinking parrot green, or maybe sky blue) and Fanta-orange lips.

I mean, talk about a missed opportunity.

And, yeah, I know who this band is. Suffice to say, they didn't make much of a mark in the metal world, but this photo deserves to live on in infamy, if only for its vaguely Village People vibe. Anyone else have a guess as to who it is?

Update: Here's a holiday gift for you. "Andreas78" finally figured out that this is German band Black Diamond. (Strange how many of these are German bands, no?) They put out an EP called "Faces" in 1985 on a small indie label, which curiously featured a cover that may further my Village People suggestion (see below). I also have no idea why this record was called "Faces." Anyway, two of the members of Black Diamond did go on to form Dorian Gray, who are still together and putting out records.

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These Boots Are Made For Rockin'

2008-10-22T12:04:00.000-07:00

A Clinic in How Not To Look in a Metal Promo Photo

2008-10-14T11:47:00.000-07:00

Took me a good five minutes to stop laughing so that I was able to type anything coherent. Even still, I don't know that I have anything to really say about this that you're not gonna immediately spot (and love) yourself.

I will note that, while it might have been a good money-saving tactic to get the group photo taken at Kmart, the results are less than "pro." In fact, this band, which may have actually been decent (and I stress may), basically assured itself that it would not be taken seriously.

Anyway, I know who these guys are, so there's no mystery there. But let's see if anyone else out there has a clue. Good luck.

Update: So, all it took to figure this one out was to post a picture of Toranaga, the band that the dude in the upper right, Mark Duffy, went on to front in the late '80s. This dodgy-looking bunch is, in fact, Millennium, who were sort of latecomers in the NWOBHM. They contributed to the "Pure Overkill" compilation in 1983 and released their self-titled 10-song debut on Guardian Records back in 1984. They continued to slug it out and record demos until 1987. Eventually Duffy joined Toranaga, after answering an ad in a UK rock magazine, and I have no idea what happened to his former bandmates. Duffy is still in the music biz and his latest project is called Face the Unknown.

Ah, the Classic "Stand in Front of a Big Metal Gate" Pose

2008-10-07T12:46:00.000-07:00

I'll admit straight up that I actually know who this band is. They must have sent me a half dozen photos over the years. I was looking at one with their name on it and I put 2 + 2 together...

I also think that this is a relatively easy one. Shouldn't take too long. I would encourage whoever figures it out to provide whatever info they know about the band along with their answer.

From here on out, I'll actually know the identity of the photos I'm posting. Now that we've run through all the ones I was stumped about, this'll just be about seeing if I can stump you. Good luck!

Update: Guess it wasn't as easy as I thought it might be. Brocas Crelm did, however, correctly identify them as Hexx, a Bay Area power metal/thrash band that later dropped their lead vocalist and went for a heavier, almost death metal sound later in the '80s.

"Hi! How Are Ya?"

2008-10-02T09:14:00.000-07:00

Waving to the camera? Not metal. Smiling at the camera? Not metal. Wearing a studded belt and black spandex? Very metal. Sleeveless shirt? Very metal. White pants? Not metal. Studded fingerless leather gloves? So metal.

I do believe, though I could be mistaken, that the most metal dude of this bunch (second from left) is wearing a Cerebus tee (see the "Scarves and Sweatpants" post). How's that for an odd coincidence? Very metal.

So, the timer is running, geniuses, let's see how quickly you can get this one.

Update: Well, 24 hrs. after I posted the above photo, Keir figured it out. It's Deathslayer from NY. They released a couple of demos circa 1984-ish (the photo has 1984 faintly stamped on the back) and had two tracks on different comps. And here's a little bonus for you: the same band gone glam.

Simon Says: Cross Your Arms if You're Troo

2008-09-28T07:36:00.000-07:00

All right, since we seem to have some seriously knowledgeable people checking into this site now and we're starting to get rolling, I figured I'd throw another new one up.

I have an inkling I know who this is, but I'm not positive. The thing that cracks me up most about this one is that it looks like it was taken at a renaissance fair or something (see the woman in the background on the far left). Which would be OK if the band was dressed appropriately. But, no, these guys look like they were on their way to 7-11 for some beef jerky and a half-rack, saw the ren fair and thought, “Whoa, wouldn't it be cool to get our picture taken with, like, a medieval village behind us?"

Not so much.

Update: Crap! I gotta start putting some harder ones up. This was barely online for two hours before "anonymous" confirmed it as Griffin (as I had suspected). They were a power metal band from SF who recorded an album for Shrapnel ('84) and one for Steamhammer ('86). I have both, but I seem to recall the Shrapnel effort being the better of the two.

Drugstore Perms: Metal or Not? Discuss...

2008-09-24T21:15:00.000-07:00

These dudes are definitely European. I can’t tell you why I know that. I just do. I have no idea who this band is, but I know they are definitely Old World. Or maybe Canadian.

It’s also clear that they subscribed to a number of the various “how to dress like a metal band” theories of the day: the spiked and studded leather sash, the sleeveless animal print shirt, the snug-fitting spandex, etc., etc. The leather says they're tough, the spandex says, “look what I've got, ladies.” I’m not exactly sure what the facial hair says. Maybe, “I just reached puberty.”

So, have at it. Even if you don’t have a clue who this band is, feel free to weigh in on just how excellent this picture is, or we could just argue about Fate’s Warning, if that’s your thing.

Update: Well, it seems that I’ve had one of the most hilarious pictures of Helloween known to man stashed away in storage for the last 20+ years. Although, this was probably not that hilarious at the time (circa 1985?), I’m pretty sure that these dudes would not be stoked to see this posted on the Interweb in 2008. Too bad. Congrats to my Fates Warning-loving pal Helm for nailing it right off the bat.

Shirt Optional

2008-09-18T06:23:00.000-07:00

I think this may be an easy one. Though I know this isn't Fate's Warning, for some reason, that's the name that keeps popping into my head. So, I figure this must be either from that same era, same part of the country, or same style (remember, before Fate's Warning got all proggy, they were basically just an Iron Maiden clone).

Best part of this photo is the dude in the middle. Wow. Where to begin... He's rockin' the spandex and the S&M gear like a real man should. The other dudes are pretty much just toeing the metal party line of the day, as it were--black/red/white leather jackets and pants, some white Nikes, denim vest, etc. Guy on the left, however, forgot that "smiling is not metal."

Nonetheless, this is the promo photo the band chose to send out to fanzines some 20-plus years ago. Probably had no idea some jerk would be putting it online and mocking it long after they had all given up their dreams of rock stardom. Or have they?

Update: Once again Mr. Christe has (I believe) nailed it by identifying these guys as Liege Lord. I’m inclined to believe that’s correct since that name was in the back of my mind. Liege Lord seem to still be active to some degree, but there are no photos (even old ones) on their site as cool as this one.

Spot the '80s Metal Wardrobe Essentials

2008-09-10T10:47:00.000-07:00

Let's start off by ticking off the checklist of essential "metal" accoutrements we can spot in this picture:

• Torn T-shirt (shredded to look like fringe). Check.
• Fingerless gloves. Check.
• Scarf tied around head. Check.
• Bandana around neck. Check.

I'm sure there are more that we just can't see.

A couple of other things bother me about this picture, though. First, why does the guy on the right look so scared of his bandmate's armpit hair? And second, why is blondie grabbing his bandmate's hair from behind and smiling so broadly?

My guess is that these guys are European and probably had an album or two out on some long-gone French label. Anyone?

Update: I "accidentally" discovered what band this is, and I will be stunned if anyone else gets it. Suffice to say, my guess (above) was right on the money. Good luck!

JD Shirt: Not Meant For Tucking

2008-09-04T11:11:00.000-07:00

OK, here's hoping this photo remains a mystery for more than 5 minutes.

What will forever remain a mystery, however, is why the dude in the middle, who is clearly the singer, decided to tuck that Jack Daniels shirt nice and snug into his high-waisted, slashed-up Levi's. And what's with the sport jacket with the rolled-up sleeves? The other sad-sacks (guess the photog didn't tell them to say "cheese") he's surrounded by at least had the good sense to sport some dead animal hide.

Anyway, if I had to guess, I'd say these boys are from the South and they probably were one of the many Maiden/Priest imitators of the day.

Update: So, yeah, I was waaaaaaay off with this one. "GJ," however, was not fooled at all. This is Swedish doom band Sorcerer. And according to BNR Metal Pages: "Sorcerer played classic Euro doom, in the style of early Candlemass." I got this photo with the demo they sent me in ’89. I'm pretty sure I recorded over that demo. Not sure if I ever even listened to it. But, c'mon, one look at that picture...

Getty Metal

2008-08-28T14:40:00.000-07:00

Don’t know who the genius was in this band—though I’m guessing it’s Hurley there on the right—who thought it’d be a good idea to get their promo photo taken at the Getty service station. Maybe his dad owned it, or he just bought a lot of Funyons there. I’m not entirely sure if the kid on the left is actually in the band, or just stopped to look at the camera while he was on his way to buy a candy bar. I see a Slayer shirt on big boy and a Black Flag Tee on the scowler next to him, but not a lot of other clues. Anyone recognize these dudes?

Update: This took about 5 minutes to figure out. It's Post Mortem, out of Boston, who had a couple of releases on New Renaissance Records in the late '80s and even soldiered on into the '90s. I think some of their stuff was even reissued later, though I'm not sure why.

Here's the Deal

2008-08-22T12:51:00.000-07:00

I was recently thumbing through a huge stack of promo photos that were sent to me in the mid '80s when I was putting out a 'zine called Heavy Heroes (and later West Coast Thrash), and I came across a bunch that were unlabeled and I had no idea who they were. Some looked vaguely familiar, but most just looked wack.

Anyway, I thought it would be funny to let all the people in my computer (that would be you, dear reader) help me figure them out a photo at a time. I'm guessing most of these bands probably only ever put out demos, or maybe an album or two in Europe on an obscure, and surely now defunct, indie label.

So, take a look and lemme know if you recognize them. Or just add a comment. Some of these are real doozies. I'll try to put up one a week, depending on how quickly we can figure 'em out. I've already posted the first one.

Have fun.

Adem

Scarves and Sweatpants

2008-08-22T12:41:00.000-07:00

These guys look like they're posing in the hall of their high school. And you've gotta wonder why the blond mullethead on the left thought it'd be a good idea to rock the heather gray sweatpants in a band photo. I don't know what the deal with the scarves is, though that may be a clue as to where they're from. Who the fuck is this band?!?

Update: I was starting to think we'd never get this one, but along comes "Nightlock" with the correct answer: Cerebus, from North Carolina. Another New Renaissance band who have found some interest posthumously (in Europe).